For those of you who may remember the sorry tale of when I managed to trap myself in a cupboard under the stairs only to escape after an hour of sweat and dust using a sheet of 5/4 film and some cunning. Well today was a similar set of affairs only more bloody and could easily have escalated into a scene from Casualty. But alas here I sit sipping tea with fingers bandaged the only real injury being my damaged pride.
So picture the scene as I enter my climate controlled (I kid you not) garage/ storage facility to prepare a couple of prints for framing from a recent sale (yippee). For reasons I will not go into I moved a six foot mirror to one side near the entrance to my storage facility as I made room to un-roll a couple of 30/40" masterpieces.. Some time later with my ready prints I stepped out of the Archive Of Delight and proceeded to pull down the garage door, all be it with some Doyley force. Then with the help of the six foot mirror I had placed there (and forgotten about) previously, I managed to; Break the mirror, bend the garage door, and, wedge a splinter of mirror glass in between my index and middle finger. Undeterred by my actions I placed the mirror to one side deciding to clean it up nearer bin collection day, but as I went to close the door it stuck about half way. So again undeterred I dipped back into the garage/ storage facility with climate control and pulled down on the door handle with a mighty force. Job done I thought, that was until I tried to re-open the door from the inside.. Thanks to a combination of several forces, the door was now wedged in place tighter than elephant in an inner tube. There was no lock to pick and no gaps to slip a note to the neighbour. I was a prisoner in my own storage facility... I couldn't pull it, and I couldn't push it, so in the words of Keanu Reeves in Speed; "What do you do?". I was acclimatized, that's for sure. I was dry unlike last week, but I was hungry and graving a cup of tea and perhaps a penguin biscuit. I did think of trying to bend the door inwards, sure I had the Doyle strength, but the door would never be the same and I would loose the seal I had created for my climate control device (thinking about it more I dont know anyone who has bent a garage door with their bare hands!). I could shout, but I would still be stuck and may cause a panic in the hood. And so I pulled my toolbox from beneath my desk and waited for the answer. It took about twenty minutes before I came up with the idea of removing the garage door with the help of my toolbox contents. No easy feat I have to say as I began to undo the bolts on the right side of the door, but I soon got those blighters off and started to feel quite pleased with my inventiveness. To be honest I wasn't sure what would happen once the door bolts where undone and in fact nothing did happen, still stuck like a ripe turd. By this time I had been in that hole for over two hours and was starting to loose my patience. And so in a last bid for freedom I kicked the bottom part of the door, again a not thinking of what would happen, and again nothing did happen. 'Right then, I will barge this bugger down' I thought as I turned and gained momentum. The next thing I knew the door had come crashing down on my badly heed leaving me blooded and angry. I was broken as was the door which was now beyond repair in its twisted, bits missing, sorry state.
So there you are, a door-less storage facility open to the elements and passers by. But the door will be fixed and my wounds will heal. And if your thinking of helping yourself to some of my work, well I have taken out the good stuff and set a few traps in the form of a large 40 kilo door that comes crashing down on your head....

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