Where do those stairs go?

As the job at the local kebab house becomes more and more appealing, and my only calls I get are from some numpty trying to sell me a window, I have had time to go through a lot of my old archive from the days when I parted my hair and pretended that the cakes I was baking were for unfortunate children and not for my own fat hamster like face.
Like most young keen direction-less photographers I would shoot everything and anything and of course carried a camera everywhere I went. My costs where minimal shooting B&W 35mm film with one lens and some battered old F1 camera with a bright red strap. I processed the film myself and indeed printed the image myself. All in all I found the whole process very satisfying and even made a living for a time processing and printing for other like minded people.
It has to be said that I would return to the darkroom in such, dare I say, 'dark' times. But of course there is a much call for a black and white hand print today as there is a cell phone the size of a brick with an additional battery the size of a breeze block.. I don't really miss the darkroom and if I am honest (unlike Edgar Martins) I did grow to hate everything that came with the wet process; the chemicals, prints drying down to flat dull insignificance, long hours, and in my case the awkward clients.
I have often thought of other things I could do other than photography and the list is always the same:
A professional Arm Wrestler
A bulldog wrestler
A bear wrestler (hard to get insurance)
A puppeteer (when did you last see a Punch and Judy show)
A poet (the card companies won't see me)
A stuntman
A Bruce Willis stand in
An egg boiler
A Ponse
Not such good ways to make ends meet..

So what does a photographer do when the work dries up? When people stop buying prints? When galleries close? When the picture editors of magazines get the boot and the regular commissions vanish? When people realise that the art world is not important?
Well you can look out your Cafe Nero Loyalty card and come and sit beside me..

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